I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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