i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
