My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
