i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
