The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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