She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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