I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
