I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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