bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
