There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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