I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
