my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
