Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No subtext here. People are naked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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