If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
