pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
