i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
