Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
