I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
