No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
