So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
