drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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