Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
