Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
