No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
