I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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