i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
