OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
