Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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