So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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