apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
