I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
