Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
