im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
