im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
as a side note pls kill me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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