Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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