oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
