So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
