first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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