Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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