Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We are two peas in an std pod
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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