Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
