bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's get the cat blown out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
