He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
