i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
