The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
