So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
