i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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