Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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