Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
