she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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