i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
