Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They are going to name an STD after you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
