I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
