I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
