hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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