After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
