We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
